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AUGUST 2, 2018

5 Getaways That Are Definitely Not Ocean City

I opened my eyes and found myself surrounded by stacks of 7-Eleven Big Gulps and a row of Takis. I thought a Tacquito sounded inviting, so I grabbed one of those. Buffalo chicken, despite my ulcer.

Upon inspection, I found it to be half eaten; it was no longer warm either.

I’d quickly realized that I wasn’t in 7-Eleven at all. I was on the beach.

I was in Ocean City, Maryland.

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1/6

Here at Noir, complete deterrence takes more than cigarette butts as tiki torches, vulgar hoodies, and 12-year-olds rinsed in Abercrombie and Fitch Fierce.

We do know that there are alternatives to being subjected to the unsavory crowds and jam of Ocean City.

The following includes five areas to getaway that are not Ocean City.

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Rehoboth Beach

Just north (not too far north) of Ocean City is Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, a place where Marylanders mob the Jolly Trolley to bar hop on Memorial Day. Luckily during the summer, Rehoboth is modest and docile for Ocean City refugees looking to rest easy. And unlike Ocean City, you can safely leave your car wherever, and pedal a bike through trails to places like Big Oyster Brewing and Revelation Brewing. Though, we do not advocate drinking and biking!

Stop for eats along the way like Chesapeake & Maine, and for allegedly the most delicious crab cakes, rush to Woody’s in nearby Dewey, Delaware. For those fixated on something other than sodium-riddled sea-rat, a trip to Rehoboth in the fall makes for a flourishing of figs, blackberries, grapes and peppers.


If none of the qualities mentioned above are your thing, there’s always a ferry to the north, to Cape May, New Jersey.

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Cape May, NJ

We understand any verbal proximity between “beach” and “Jersey” is tyrannical, and we thank MTV mainly for these horrors. But Cape May is true sanctum to settle into peace. Tour the wineries: Cape May Winery, Hawk Haven Winery, and Turdo Vineyards, to name a few. Scale the 199 lighthouse steps and the last remaining WWII lookout tower in New Jersey. Dolphin and whale watch on a cruise around the Atlantic, with a “Marine Mammal Sighting guarantee” by the cruise vendors. And while whales or dolphins are not the most edible — Cape May beholds an avant garde array of food options. The Red Store offers South American plates for lunch and brunch and the Crabhouse has been lauded for many promises on its menu about ceviche to half shell clams to oysters to all you can eat blue crab claws. The Crabhouse policy is against sharing, but we would like to encourage this. If you get tired of eating animals, you can stop by the Cape May Zoo and perhaps adopt an animal while you’re there. Yes, they actually offer adoption services.

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The Potomac Highlands

But there are getaways beyond seeing animals tamed and caged for visual sport! There’s serenity right around the corner. Alright, a few corners.

The Potomac Highlands in West Virginia is a pocket of lush earth waiting for leisure. Rejuvenate your essence with the sounds of America, aboard scenic trains through the mountains. If you’d thought trains were obsolete by now and have no interest in that, you can book a stay at the 5000-acre Capon Springs and Farms Resort, nationally renowned for its spring water—for bathing, drinking and swimming. Not all in the same, we pray. The resort features tennis and golf for those still wanting to hold onto the threads of civilization.

As you please, venture the grounds of Blackwater Falls and its amber-seasoned waters, or put your hands to work, climbing the stones of Nelson Rocks.  

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Shenandoah National Park

Following a lengthy drive with bad radio and indefinitely bent legs, you might want to leave your car altogether. Just a state over in Virginia, Shenandoah National Park is a dense 200,000 acre space of verdant mountain folds.

Trek the most popular soil tracks like Old Rag, or between the stalagmites of the Luray Caverns. Yes, we suggested you may leave your car, but if bats, bugs or the general wilderness annoys you, Skyline Drive is a solution to most of these problems. It’s a 105-mile road through the park where you may bask in nature, albeit through the safety of power windows.

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St. Michaels, MD

If the threat of bug spray nor sand sounds like the getaway you’re yearning for, the lavish town of St. Michaels, Maryland is truthfully where you need to be. It’s the place for pampering. This town, affectionately, named “The Town That Fooled The British” is thought of as the Maryland Hamptons with reason to be.

Bike up and down the seascape: to get 5x5 beer samples at Eastern Shore Brewery for only $10, and crab cake sandwiches from a roadside barbecue carryout (doesn’t make much sense, we know).

But that’s enough exercising for a vacation isn’t it? Where have the silk robes been? The Inn at Perry Cabin, where you can get away with doing absolutely, selfishly, lovingly, nothing at all. Except to be lifted around the Chesapeake in yachts, as part of the Sailing Academy, gripe about your golf game and eat fixed four-course meals and guzzle pints at the pubs, without the spilling of beer and shouting. We think Fredrick Douglass knew what he was doing by living here.

AUGUST 2, 2018

5 Getaways That Are Definitely Not Ocean City

I opened my eyes and found myself surrounded by stacks of 7-Eleven Big Gulps and a row of Takis. I thought a Tacquito sounded inviting, so I grabbed one of those. Buffalo chicken, despite my ulcer.

Upon inspection, I found it to be half eaten; it was no longer warm either.

I’d quickly realized that I wasn’t I wasn’t in 7-Eleven at all. I was on the beach.

I was in Ocean City, Maryland.

1/6

Here at Noir, complete deterrence takes more than cigarette butts as tiki torches, vulgar hoodies, and 12-year-olds rinsed in Abercrombie and Fitch Fierce.

We do know that there are alternatives to being subjected to the unsavory crowds and jam of Ocean City.

The following includes five areas to getaway that are not Ocean City.

Rehoboth Beach

Just north (not too far north) of Ocean City is Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, a place where Marylanders mob the Jolly Trolley to bar hop on Memorial Day. Luckily during the summer, Rehoboth is modest and docile for Ocean City refugees looking to rest easy. And unlike Ocean City, you can safely leave your car wherever, and pedal a bike through trails to places like Big Oyster Brewing and Revelation Brewing. Though, we do not advocate drinking and biking!

Stop for eats along the way like Chesapeake & Maine, and for allegedly the most delicious crab cakes, rush to Woody’s in nearby Dewey, Delaware. For those fixated on something other than sodium-riddled sea-rat, a trip to Rehoboth in the fall makes for a flourishing of figs, blackberries, grapes and peppers.


If none of the qualities mentioned above are your thing, there’s always a ferry to the north, to Cape May, New Jersey.

Dollies, Rehoboth Beach, DE

Cape May Sunset & Snooki

Cape May, NJ

We understand any verbal proximity between “beach” and “Jersey” is tyrannical, and we thank MTV mainly for these horrors. But Cape May is true sanctum to settle into peace. Tour the wineries: Cape May Winery, Hawk Haven Winery, and Turdo Vineyards, to name a few. Scale the 199 lighthouse steps and the last remaining WWII lookout tower in New Jersey. Dolphin and whale watch on a cruise around the Atlantic, with a “Marine Mammal Sighting guarantee” by the cruise vendors. And while whales or dolphins are not the most edible — Cape May beholds an avant garde array of food options. The Red Store offers South American plates for lunch and brunch and the Crabhouse has been lauded for many promises on its menu about ceviche to half shell clams to oysters to all you can eat blue crab claws. The Crabhouse policy is against sharing, but we would like to encourage this. If you get tired of eating animals, you can stop by the Cape May Zoo and perhaps adopt an animal while you’re there. Yes, they actually offer adoption services.

The Potomac Highlands

But there are getaways beyond seeing animals tamed and caged for visual sport! There’s serenity right around the corner. Alright, a few corners.

The Potomac Highlands in West Virginia is a pocket of lush earth waiting for leisure. Rejuvenate your essence with the sounds of America, aboard scenic trains through the mountains. If you’d thought trains were obsolete by now and have no interest in that, you can book a stay at the 5000-acre Capon Springs and Farms Resort, nationally renowned for its spring water—for bathing, drinking and swimming. Not all in the same, we pray. The resort features tennis and golf for those still wanting to hold onto the threads of civilization.

As you please, venture the grounds of Blackwater Falls and its amber-seasoned waters, or put your hands to work, climbing the stones of Nelson Rocks.  

Blackwater Falls, Potomac Highlands, WV

Shenandoah National Park

Following a lengthy drive with bad radio and indefinitely bent legs, you might want to leave your car altogether. Just a state over in Virginia, Shenandoah National Park is a dense 200,000 acre space of verdant mountain folds.

Trek the most popular soil tracks like Old Rag, or between the stalagmites of the Luray Caverns. Yes, we suggested you may leave your car, but if bats, bugs or the general wilderness annoys you, Skyline Drive is a solution to most of these problems. It’s a 105-mile road through the park where you may bask in nature, albeit through the safety of power windows.

Skyline Drive, Shenandoah National Park, VA

St. Michaels, MD

If the threat of bug spray nor sand sounds like the getaway you’re yearning for, the lavish town of St. Michaels, Maryland is truthfully where you need to be. It’s the place for pampering. This town, affectionately, named “The Town That Fooled The British” is thought of as the Maryland Hamptons with reason to be.

Bike up and down the seascape: to get 5x5 beer samples at Eastern Shore Brewery for only $10, and crab cake sandwiches from a roadside barbecue carryout (doesn’t make much sense, we know).

But that’s enough exercising for a vacation isn’t it? Where have the silk robes been? The Inn at Perry Cabin, where you can get away with doing absolutely, selfishly, lovingly, nothing at all. Except to be lifted around the Chesapeake in yachts, as part of the Sailing Academy, gripe about your golf game and eat fixed four-course meals and guzzle pints at the pubs, without the spilling of beer and shouting. We think Fredrick Douglass knew what he was doing by living here.

Miles River, St. Michaels, MD

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