Why Philly is Better Than Boston in Every Conceivable Way

JOURNAL

MAY 5, 2018

Why Philly is Better Than Boston in Every Conceivable Way

by Harford Hopson

Live in hindsight from Boathouse Row — the ship is sinking — the Philadelphia 76ers are down 0-2 to the Boston Celtics in the NBA playoffs. Good thing winning is overly valued. In fact, the Eagles and Villanova Wildcats recently won championships just to encourage diversification of portfolio. Philly didn’t make that much of a big deal about it.

Ben Franklin did not create this city (did he create this city, or just install electric for PECO?) to win ball-through-hoop championships. He did it so that Camden, New Jersey could admire the Comcast Center and Mellon Bank ripping through the skyline. So that we could make eccentric friends while taking the El from North Philly, down through Center City and east, just to get to North Philly. To feel emotionally sovereign while standing on the edge of Penns Landing, to be digestively pleased (albeit a shortened lifespan) after a corner store cheesesteak platter, and to be excited, appropriately unnerved, and a little curious on your lonesome at the Tasker-Morris platform past 3 A.M.

To be accurate, we reached out to Ben Franklin for comment and he has yet to respond.

JOURNAL

1/3

The Main Issue With Boston

Boston is uncomfortably…normal. In Boston, to be born tough is a hand-me-down DNA component. Firstly, whenever I go to Boston, the visits are brief. Secondly, I see pristine streets, a democratic city surprisingly in harmony, and teams winning titles nearly every quarter. Truthfully, I’m not so sure why everyone there is so angsty. Boston is too safe.

JOURNAL

1/3

The Main Issue With Boston

You can walk from Fenway Park to Roxbury with a joint the size of a Louisville Slugger between your lips and legally no one can say a thing about it. On that note, any city you can walk through in just over two hours is just lousy.

Is Harvard even in Boston? I'm going to assume not.

So, instead of isolating the student body from cultivation, diversity, and the realest parts of the city, Philadelphia put a rather glamorous learning institution actually in the city so it's students could get hands on experience mingling with Uber drivers and discovering the joys (and in some cases, bowel movements) of Ethiopian food.

JOURNAL

2/3

Philly Culture Vs. Boston's Lack Thereof

Boston is manageable if you want to hear the symphony, I guess. But Philadelphians, from their toe crud up to their highest hair follicle, have rhythm and music in their bones. From $5 artpop sounds at a graffiti-laden warehouse somewhere off Spring Garden, to your dad’s funk-jazz effort at Fairmount Park, Philadelphia is highly regarded because it’s beyond authentic.

We’re not saying that Boston is a bad place to be. It’s just culturally unmannered in comparison to Philly. Or maybe too mannered. If this is America’s picnic, then Philadelphia is a tastebud-inviting roasted pork rub, whereas, Boston is cream cheese on an empty oyster shell.

JOURNAL

3/3

The End

So for the Celtics flying into Philadelphia for Game 3, I think this means everything for the city of Boston, since it doesn’t have much else going for it.

For Philly, it’s not that big of a deal. Though, 2-1 would mean everything.

MAY 5, 2018

Why Philly is Better Than Boston in Every Conceiveable Way

Live in hindsight from Boathouse Row — the ship is sinking — the Philadelphia 76ers are down 0-2 to the Boston Celtics in the NBA playoffs. Good thing winning is overly valued. In fact, the Eagles and Villanova Wildcats recently won championships just to encourage diversification of portfolio. Philly didn’t make that much of a big deal about it.

Ben Franklin did not create this city (did he create this city, or just install electric for PECO?) to win ball-through-hoop championships. He did it so that Camden, New Jersey could admire Comcast Center and Mellon Bank ripping through the skyline. So that we could make eccentric friends while taking the El from North Philly, down through Center City and east, just to get to north Philly. To feel emotionally sovereign while standing on the edge of Penns Landing, to be digestively pleased (albeit a shortened lifespan) after a corner store cheesesteak platter, and to be excited, appropriately unnerved, and a little curious on your lonesome at the Tasker-Morris platform past 3 A.M.

To be accurate we reached out to Ben Franklin for comment and he has yet to respond.

1/3

The Main Issue With Boston

Boston is uncomfortably…normal. In Boston, to be born tough is a hand-me-down DNA component. Whenever I visit Boston, firstly I must say the visits are brief. Secondly, I see pristine streets, a democratic city surprisingly in harmony (see…any other blue metro), teams winning titles nearly every quarter. Truthfully, I’m not so sure why everyone there is so angsty. Boston is too safe.

1/3

The Main Issue With Boston

You can walk from Fenway Park to Roxbury with a joint the size of a Louisville Slugger between your lips and legally no one can say a thing about it. On that note, any city you can walk through in just over two hours is just lousy.

Is Harvard even in Boston? We’re going to assume not.

So, instead of isolating the student body from cultivation, diversity, and the realest parts of the city, Philadelphia put a rather glamorous learning institution actually in the city so it's students could get hands on experience mingling with Uber drivers and discovering the joys (and in some cases, bowel movements) of Ethiopian food.

2/3

Philly Culture Vs. Boston's Lack Thereof

Boston is manageable if you want to hear the symphony, I guess. But Philadelphians, from the toe crud up to their highest hair follicle, have rhythm and music in their bones. From $5 artpop sounds at a graffiti-laden warehouse somewhere off Spring Garden to your dad’s funk jazz effort at Fairmount Park, Philadelphia is highly regarded because it’s beyond authentic.

We’re not saying that Boston is a bad place to be. It’s just culturally unmannered in comparison to Philly. Or maybe too mannered. If this is America’s picnic, then Philadelphia is a tastebud-inviting roasted pork rub, whereas, Boston is cream cheese on an empty oyster shell.

3/3

The End

So for the Celtics flying into Philadelphia for Game 3, I think this means everything for the city of Boston, since it doesn’t have much else going for it.

For Philly, it’s not that big of a deal. Though, 2-1 would mean everything.